I am hoping you might be able to share some advice with me. I have searched all over the web for an answer to my dilemma, but have not yet been successful in finding it.
I am 30 years old and have been working for a family-run wholesaling business (not my family) for the past five years. I pretty much run their company and am very well compensated for my work. The owners are two brothers, 80 and 85 years old, and the 55-year-old son of one of the brothers. The 55-year-old has a son who will be graduating college in two years and most likely will be joining the business. I am wary about my future there because I know things might change once the son comes into the business.
I got married in 2003. My father-in-law has a very successful business. He is the sole proprietor with two daughters who have no interest in the business. (One of them is my wife.) I am very much interested in joining his company. The business is very similar to the one I currently work for, although the products they sell are different.
How do I approach my father-in-law and tell him that I am interested in working for him? My father-in-law is 65 years old and just built a vacation home. I know he would love to have someone like me help him in the business. I am just not sure how to approach him.
My wife and I are expecting our first child. We just built a house near my in-laws. I am doing very well financially in the business that I work for now. I don’t want my father-in-law to think that I am asking to work for him because I am not financially secure or just looking for a free ride. My intention is to start at the ground level in the company and work my way up.
While I am very comfortable working for my current employers, I am still interested in working for my father-in-law. Any ideas that you might have as to how I can approach him would be greatly appreciated.
Experts’ replies:
Nothing in life is perfect, and you have what could be called a Relatively Good Problem. You have time to weigh your options and devise a sensible, strategic, respectful conversation and decision-making process.
Before you approach anyone to discuss anything, you could create a score sheet for yourself, to compare apples to apples. The items to measure might include: your interest in each type of work, your talent for each, “political” exposure and amount of family confusion you’ll have to contend with, prospects for long-term employment (including how each company is poised to face threats and opportunities), and odds you will attain ownership.
Try your best to develop a useful way to score each item, and come up with a cumulative score. But also, examine whether the “cons” on the list may have remedies. Add rows on your score sheet, and add points for where remedies might mitigate problems. Remedies might include a contract with your current employer, or at least an objective system for performance evaluation and compensation. Or your father-in-law might agree to a proactive plan to offer ownership, based on performance, on a specific timeline.
When you have done your best thinking on these topics, tweak your conclusions by discussing them with some wise and trusted confidants. Then, tell your father-in-law you’d like to discuss something with him. Depending on your sense of your family, he alone might be the proper audience. Or it might include your mother-in-law, wife and sister-in-law, as well. You need to feel out what will offer the best odds for success in deciding who should be included.
Also consider whether a stunning multimedia presentation, or just a few simple charts, will have better impact. Your thoughtful presentation will show him that you’ve done some serious thinking, comparing the diverging roads of your career future. Include some of the pros and cons of working in a family business, and how you rank the odds for success in each case. (Do we have the ability to broach sensitive topics? Is there a good match between the needs of the business and the talents of the family?) Get him talking about his view of all these matters.
Nobody knows the future, but a thorough scan of the “event horizon” will give you both (or all, if other relatives are included) more useful information. He might leap up and give you company stock; or he might inform you that this would work best over his dead body. If you do decide together that you’ll make the change, you can work together to plot out how to get through the first weeks, months and years on the issues of authority, ownership, etc. No matter what happens, you’ll know you looked carefully at this simple, yet complex, fork in the road.
—Ira Bryck
Bryck is director of the University of Massachusetts-Amherst Family Business Center (bryck@contined.umass.edu). A former fourth-generation president of his family’s retail business, he is the author of three plays about family business.
You are on the right track. This is the ideal time for you, as a high performer in your current job, to make a clear-headed assessment about your long-range career as well as ownership options with your current employer and to step into the delicate conversation with your father-in-law about future possibilities with his firm.
Regarding your current employer, here are some questions to keep in mind: Does this family have what it takes to serve as a foundation for a thriving business well into the next generation? Are the owners committed to professional management practices and outside directors who will guide strategy as well as succession planning? Will I have appropriate career advancement opportunities? Will the top job(s) be reserved for family members? Will my compensation fairly reflect my contribution to the company? Is ownership (or phantom stock) a realistic option? Since they own the company, it’s their privilege to make the “rules.” While they don’t owe you a job or an ownership stake, they do owe you candor and clarity so you can make good choices about your future.
Regarding the discussion with your father-in-law, I am pleased to hear you are approaching this without the sense of entitlement that burdens many family business conversations. It’s fortunate that you have excellent outside work experience with another firm (a wholesaler, no less) where you have earned your own stripes. Now both you and your father-in-law have important choices to make. The goal here is a full exploration of business employment and/or ownership scenarios with no obligation on either side. You may want to begin your discussion with this ground rule!
I’d suggest you begin by asking your father-in-law about his aspirations for the future—how much/how long he wants to work, his plans to find a successor or to sell the company, etc.
Then reciprocate with your aspirations about the future, noting your interest in his company as well as other companies. Questions to consider: How do his values (and company culture) align with yours? What is the strategic outlook for his company, and how might you help regenerate the strategy for the next era? How might you strengthen the management team?
I have a caution about the assumption that the “two daughters have no interest in the business.” Just as you are appropriately reluctant to have this conversation, so may others in the family. To be sure, I suggest an open discussion with the whole family. These succession zone conversations may release powerful feelings around family legacy, sibling rivalry and Dad’s retirement (and death) as you raise questions, test interests and address fears. It’s best to get all this stuff on the table before you make a decision. You may want to engage a family business consultant to help facilitate this process.
So go ahead, step into the conversation, but proceed thoughtfully while honoring the natural complexities of being in business with family members!
—Henry D. Landes
Landes is president of the Delaware Valley Family Business Center in Sellersville, Pa. (hlandes@dvfambus.com).
To transpose a mantra from the real estate industry, the secret of developing a career in a family business is communication, communication, communication. I think option #2, working for your father-in-law, is definitely worth exploring. It usually works best, in my opinion, to start a conversation by describing (a) the facts and (b) your feelings about the facts.
For instance, “I’ve been working for five years now with significant responsibility, and I’m now managing x employees. Our annual sales last year were x, and I think we can continue to grow. I like my work, but I want to have more clarity about my future options, and more security for my family …” You will, of course, use your own language, but sharing facts and feelings usually is a good place to start. Then listen, listen, listen.
I suggest that you not do your father-in-law’s thinking for him, especially in advance. You really can’t specifically anticipate another person’s reaction without testing it first. If you are pretty much running your company now, I don’t think you need to offer to start at the bottom; rather, define your goals and the kind of job that would be life-giving for you.
A second strategy is to simply ask your father-in-law (in a relaxed, private setting, perhaps in a fishing boat or after dinner on the back deck) whether he plans to keep the business in the family, or whether he is interested in selling at the appropriate time. If you own property and are somewhat bankable, you may ask whether he would be interested in selling a portion of the business to you or to other family members in the future. This approach implies that you are financially secure, don’t expect a “free ride” and are open to negotiating a win-win opportunity.
Parents want to be fair to all their children, and a purchase—perhaps leveraged by the company over time, with sweat equity—is one way for your father-in-law to give you (and your wife) an opportunity without compromising his concern for his other daughter’s welfare.
—Ellen Frankenberg, Ph.D.
Frankenberg is a Cincinnati-based family business consultant who facilitates family meetings and coaches executives and successors (ellen@frankenberggroup.com).