Changing the Family Wealth Discussion: The Implications of Wealth 3

Welcome everybody, and thank you for attending today's webinar. I'm David Shaw, the publishing director for Family Business Magazine. I hope that you and your families are all in good health. Today's webinar, we'll look at the implications of Wealth 3.0 in the Family Wealth discussion. It's become somewhat of a cliche to talk about 2.0 this and 3.0 that and so on. But in this case, there's a real shift in approach to many issues surrounding family businesses and family wealth. Uh, instead of looking at where families do things wrong, this approach really looks at the more positive strengths-based approach, which says, let's learn from the best things that we can do, especially as we're dealing with a wealth transition. So before we get started, uh, I'd like to, um, go through just a few of the details, uh, for our, our webinars. If you haven't attended one in the past, we welcome your questions and comments, uh, all through this event. Uh, right below where you see the slide, there's a ask a question area. So use that throughout and let us know what you're thinking and what you're wondering. Uh, we'll go for no more than 60 minutes today, and we'll get to as many of your questions and comments as we possibly can. Also, today's webinar is a conversation, so there won't be any slides, but there will be a replay of this session for you to share with other family members. For today's conversation, we have three terrific speakers. Uh, I'll lead off with Kristin Kefler, who is a thought leader, speaker and consultant at the forefront of a global shift in Family wealth advising, known as Wealth 3.0, what we're talking about today as the founder of Illumination 360 and the Chief Learning Officer for the Denver-based Johnson Financial Group. She specializes in human motivation and behavioral change, family dynamics, family governance, rising gen education and development, and intergenerational collaboration. She's joined by our host today, Mindy Early, and Jeff Straza. Mindy Kalinowski early is Chief Learning Officer for Family Office Exchange. In her role, she leads the Fox Learning Center, fosters integrated learning programs for enterprise families, and is responsible for developing the family learning community. She also co-chairs, Fox's Rising Gen Program and serves as an outsourced chief learning officer. And Jeff Straza is the Family Learning and Leadership Consultant for Family Office Exchange. I've worked with Jeff many times over the years in addition to his work at Fox. Uh, he works in with corporations and mission driven nonprofit organizations and has more than 25 years of experience working across industries in the areas of leadership development, organizational effectiveness, and family dynamics. I know this is gonna be a wonderful group. I'm really, uh, excited by the dynamic discussion we'll have, and I will return to the webinar throughout with your questions and comments. So, uh, Mindy, over to you to get us started. Thank you. David. May, maybe this is not a common practice, but Jeff and I were so excited for the discussion with our friend Kristen today that we couldn't pick one person to be on the webcast. So we're both here. Um, but I, I certainly believe it will be an exciting discussion. So let me quickly set the, uh, stage for our time today and, um, give a little bit of high level overview before I turn it over to Kristen to talk about Wealth 3.0. The debut of Wealth 3.0 began with, uh, keynote by Jim Grubman at the 2019 PPI Purposeful Planning Institute Rendezvous event. Um, I actually ended up hearing, uh, Jim speak at a private event in, in some beautiful moment where we had an event in 2020 Mid Pandemic, however, that happened. And he presented that same basic framework. And then in February of this year, uh, a piece written by Jim Gruman, Dennis Jaffe and Kristen Kefler, um, was published called From Fear to Engagement. So that's the February, 2022 Trust in Estates Magazine. Uh, and then this summer we were able to, Jeff and I were able to spend time with the three of them at, uh, two sold out sessions at the 2022 Purposeful Planning. That's right. That's so, uh, there is, um, there is a movement happening in industry rising. So, Kristen, over to you to walk us through a really high level synopsis of what is Wealth 3.0? Yeah. Thank you Mindy and Jeff. Um, so I, I think the thing that, that I think can be really helpful in understanding what this shift to Wealth 3.0 is might be to understand a little bit of where we've come from and, and kind of, I think that'll tee up this sense of, of what, what, why is the shift happening now and and what's the possibility for us as advisors and as families in it. Um, so a, as many people who have been around, um, family businesses and family wealth for a while know that there's, there's been an evolution over time of how we think about our work with families. Now, I wasn't around in the pre, I mean, I was alive in the pre 1980s, but I wasn't working with families then. I was just growing up at that time. But pre before 1980, um, there was, there, that's really what Jim and his PPI and his Purposeful Planning Institute, keynote, what he termed Wealth 1.0 and those really sort of all the way from the dynastic families, like the Carnegies and the Melons. And in that era of wealth, what what we really focused on was having a, a patriarch who was the client who had a trusted advisor. It was usually someone who was legal or financial, and those two people had a relationship and communicated, but there was no transparency or communication to the family. And very often the family felt, um, like it was, it was just sort of who we are, right? So I don't, I, I wouldn't say a level of entitlement 'cause I don't know, but just the sense of like, well, this is who we are. Um, so just a core part of a family identity. And, um, so this, in that period of wealth 1.0, so pre 1980s, there was little to no conversation about the idea that wealth might have impact on family dynamics or that there, that there might be individual desires that were outside of kind of what the family's path was as, as wealth creators and protectors of that wealth as philanthropists. Um, the identity was just very whole and deep. And, um, and then there was a shift starting about in 1980, there was things that started to happen, like Joni Bronkman, um, did her, uh, her doctoral dissertation with, um, interviewing inheritors. She was the first person to really capture the voice of inheritors and, and shine a light on the fact that there were commonalities in both their experience and also in their challenges. Um, and so other books started to come out. There were Thaa Willis wrote, um, navigating the Dark Side of Wealth again, capturing the voice of the inheritor and giving insight into the lived experience of those raised with wealth and families with wealth. And, and for the first time where in Wealth 1.0, there was very much this sense of if anything was written about those families, it was more of a, a peak into the lives of the rich and famous. And by the time we got into the 1980s and the 1990s, we actually started to have this sense of, um, not just, you know, not just the voyeurism into like, ooh, what is it like for those wealthy families? But instead this sense of, oh, there are, there are lived experiences that, that are rich and, and embedded in this context of family business and family wealth and families with significant names. And, but it's more nuanced. It's not just a homogeneous experience. Um, and Wealth 2.0 gave us a lot of really incredible things, right? Like Jay Hughes is one of our, our very dear thought leaders who led a lot of the deep work that shifted our thinking. He and Charlie Car Collier were the first, um, people to really talk about the multiple capitals of family. So instead of just focusing on the financial capital, now, we had this idea that there could be social capital and intellectual capital. And, um, and so there was this, this broader sense that, that a family, a a family of wealth, an enterprising family isn't just about their, the the sole lens we look at them isn't through just the financial lens. Um, and for the first time, the idea that that that family dynamics and, and the psychology of wealth were valuable areas to support and study it, it was the first time that we actually had that sense and that, that there was a more diversified, um, set of fields to support these complex families, not just a single advisor. Now, unfortunately, there were also some downsides of Wealth 2.0 and, um, I want to just name those quickly because I think that's really where the pivot point is that, that we're seeing take place in this, in this Evolution to Wealth 3.0. So some of the things that also came out of Wealth 2.0 were, um, we as a collective set of industries got really used to using fear-based narratives to motivate families. And I don't, I don't think that anybody has done that in a nefarious way or in any way to, to try to manipulate, but it makes a good story, right? When you say shirt sleeves to shirt sleeves in three generations, that's a pretty good story. And that's something that gets a, a family to sort of sit up and, and take notice. Like, well, I don't wanna be the generation that, that let that happen. Um, now unfortunately, things like shirt sleeves to shirt sleeves, which originally was brought into our vernacular as, as a helpful tool to help us think about the cycles of wealth through families, and to help us think about the idea that that wealth needed to be, that wealth as a part of the family system needed to actually be tended to, and the family needed to be tended to in order to break a cycle that when left totally unconscious is that, you know, is a very natural cycle, wealth creation and wealth dissipation. Um, but, but like I said, unfortunately, we, we took it as a rule and started telling families that that's just what happens to families. Um, and we have, and we, and we backed it up with, um, with research that unfortunately, or that we now know was, was not really well-designed research. So we would point to things and say, 70% of families fail. And that in family businesses, there's a really consistent pattern of, you know, 30% failure, 13% failure, 3% failures, you go down the generations. And, um, I think that, that we used those statistics as the way to try to motivate people into right action. But, um, but ultimately what we found now as our field continues to get broader and more aware and more diverse, and, and as we have more, better, more and better science to lean on that, that helps us understand cognitive and behavioral, um, just, just cog cognitive behavioral science fields that help us understand how people interact with each other and the cognitive biases we bring to the table. Um, like how, how is it that we can actually work with families better and from a place of strength rather than a place of fear, which may be a good motivator, but doesn't usually motivate to the right outcomes. Um, so I, I wanna, I won't go in a minute. I will go into more deeply like what specifically is the call to action in Wealth 3.0? But what I'll say is that as an outgrowth of Wealth 2.0, and now that we're in this, this shift, you know, we're in the, in the 20 teens, we started seeing a lot more writing and research come out that, that looked at, um, what is it that exemplar families are doing? So instead of all focusing on what are the points of failure, how can we focus on what's really working well? How can we understand when we, when we see what a family and the individuals and those and those families are doing where they're thriving and they're finding lives of meaning and engagement and, and ways to engage with their wealth in, in ways that feel meaningful and impactful, what is it that they're doing? And that's really the, this turn of the field right now, is that with, um, with new science and new understanding about human behavior and systems theories and, and how do we, the, the question or the opportunity really is how can we let go of some of the fear-based, um, narratives and the poor research and, and move into a new area of professionalization in our collective fields where we have good research and we can help families see the pathway forward to thriving. And we can understand not what, what, uh, where the families fail, but what they're doing when they're doing it really well. Um, so I'll get in more, more details in a little bit, but that sort of sets the stage Perfect. That's great. Thanks Crystal. And you know, the three of us really grew up professionally in the 2.0 model, which we learned our specializations and we were credentialized and certified. And, and as we grew in our careers, we connected with one another. Um, you know, uniquely, and I would just say even now, uh, you and Jim Gruman and Dennis Jaffe are our great thought leaders and partners with Fox, um, in helping us think about how we educate our member base. Um, and you know, I, I think that as we begin to set up this discussion more in depth about Wealth 3.0, I think it kind of begins there with me, uh, as a practitioner and how excited I became with this movement and this, this, this focus on positive psychology and emotional intelligence, and not just with the practitioners themselves, but bringing that into our work with families and with advisors and other practitioners in the field. So let, let's, let's transition now into that model, because I think it's a, it's an exciting thing for all the listeners to get into. In fact, recently at Fox, we launched, uh, an a family advisor training program and the Wealth 3.0 article that you all wrote, uh, just recently, that was part of the pre-reading and the pre-work for this advisor training. And, and that was how we started our whole two-day intensive, uh, training process. So we're excited about it. We we're glad to be partners with you. So let's move now into a little bit more detail about what is the 3.0 Wealth 3.0 model that we're talking about? Yep, absolutely. I am, I'm so delighted to hear that, um, that you guys have taken that ball and are running with it. I think it's, I think there's a huge want, there's a big hunger for, for programs that can actually help advisors and family members move into how do we get into action around this? Because there's, it's, it feels really empowering to think that we can do something as a family member myself. Like there's a path forward that where I can actually take action that's gonna make a positive difference. Um, so well 3.0, and this is, um, you know, my, my hat is off to Jim Grubman, who really was such the forerunner of this thinking. And, um, for anybody who is a part of the Purposeful Planning Institute but wasn't at that keynote, I would highly recommend just getting online and, and looking at the archive of that, because what is, what, you know, from our perspective now, or from my perspective now, it seems like, well, yeah, this is exactly the direction we should be going, but it actually took a tremendous amount of thought leadership and courage for Jim to, to assert these ideas because they were, they were actually calling to carpets to the carpet. Some of the things that we've leaned on pretty heavily, some pillar pillars we've leaned on pretty heavily. So I wanna just first acknowledge him and his thought leadership to even get these ideas out there. And, um, the, the idea of Wealth 3.0, at its core, it's calling for an integrated model of, of family wealth and family enterprise advising, where we're removing away from motivating through fear and focusing on fear. And we're giving both advisors and family tools to move forward from that, that are really based on purpose and collaboration, right? And there's, we know that there's been long time pockets of this going on, right? This isn't brand new and like nobody's ever really focused on purpose and collaboration with families. But what we're calling for is, is that this is really the time when we need to codify that in credentialing programs and teach it as part of core curriculum core curriculums, and make it the standard rather than the, you know, the sort of the Bolton that we bolt on to other methods that were more, um, that are more fear-based or more protectionistic. Um, One follow up question before we go to Mindy, what, give us a quick example of, you're talking about this fear-based approach and, and you said a moment ago in your introductory comments that it's not with bad intent or nefarious, it's really more just the training of the advisor. Just, you know, a comment like, what keeps you up at night? Yep. And the inadvertent reaction and dynamic between advisor or family practitioner and and family member creates something unique that we're trying to move away from. Yep. I I, I, you're spot on, Jeff, and I think to just sort of touch in anchor on that point is we, you know, there, there's this, this evolution isn't just happening in our field, right? The field of positive psychology wasn't formally formed until 1998. And it is, if you look at the, the sort of research curve of, of what we knew about human thriving prior to 19, 19 98, and what we understand about human thriving now from, from through rigorous research Mm-hmm. Like the, we're just hitting the J curve and understanding what is it that supports humans as individuals and as human systems to really, um, live lives of flourishing. And so our fields are kind of, um, we're just, we're riding that wave of research and understanding that is now sort of happening on, on a much broader level than just our fields. Right. Kristen, you mentioned collaboration, uh, at, at Family Office Exchange, we're really, really focused on collaboration, aligning with thought leaders like yourself, dentist Jim, industry leaders, organizations like Family Business magazine, PPI, um, that, uh, so that we can contribute to the field. So I'd love to know how the three of you have come together and collaborated around this idea and just a bit about the nature of your work together. Yeah, it's, it's fun. I often feel a little bit like the unicorn or certainly odd woman out in that trio. Um, anybody who knows Dennis Jaffe and Jim Grubman know that, um, they are around the same age, and they're both male. And I am decades younger and clearly not male. Um, and I love, so, uh, Jim and Dennis have had a long time collaboration. Anybody who is, who has read, um, much in our field over the last 20 years probably has a whole stack of articles just like I do that are grubman Jaffy articles. They, they have had a long time collaboration and one that from the outside, quite honestly, I often, I was like, I wanna find my, who's my counterpart? Where's the, where's the Kristin Kefler and kind of partnership because they, they, they seem to just do an incredible job of extending and expanding each other's thinking in the most beautiful way that then benefits us all. And, um, a after, so I wa I was there at, at Jim Grumman's, purposeful planning keynote, and I remember sitting in the audience I had just, um, in 2017 and 2018, I'd gone back to school and I got a second master's degree in positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. So I was like steeped in and loving everything that had to do with the research and practice of positive psychology and looking for every way I could to integrate that into my work, to really make it applicable in the space of family wealth and family enterprise, rising gen coaching. Um, and I remember sitting in the audience at, at Jim's keynote and just feeling like someone like parted the sky and I just, you know, saw the heavens or something. It was like this moment of seeing how there could be a path forward that wasn't me just trying to like, fit it in and pocket so that I could make small change with the families that I was working with, but instead that there might be an opportunity to, for a legitimate paradigm shift that we can invite anybody who was ready to go along on that journey. And, um, I, I actually reached out to, to Jim sometime after that. And in a, in a moment of courage, I said, Hey, like, I really think there's a, a piece for positive psychology in this work. If you ever wanted to collaborate on an article, I'd be excited to do that. And, um, and over time that that seed morphed into many conversations about, well, how do all these things fit together and, and how can we both have, um, conversations about research and practice and the use of, of the rigor that comes from the field of positive psychology and organizational development. And pretty soon it was just the three of us in regular conversations. And I have to say, like, I feel like I've been given the greatest gift of all time to get to one, be in conversations with those two, um, those two giants, and two, to actually have a peer seat at the table with them where, um, where I have the chance to bring my passion and skills in the, in this area forward. Um, it's, it is truly the joy of collaboration. That's great. Kristen, I too was in the audience and I, I had a moment in time in my career where it, it absolutely raised my courage, um, to, to bring these ideas more forward in, in my work. So I, I had a similar experience there. You know, you have a unique, uh, unique educational background, your family story, your career perspective. So based on your life, your work, your past, you know, what are you bringing into this discussion? Yeah, uh, that's a great question. I, I was, it's funny, I was just talking to my husband about this last night and I said, I said, I feel like I'm, I'm watching this confluence of all these things that looked very diverse when at, you know, each moment in time when I was, I, I got an undergraduate degree in biology and chemistry, and I wanted to go to medical school. I decided not to go to medical school. And I went to, and got started a master's in public health and ultimately ended up combining that in, um, um, M-B-A-M-P-H program. So I, I connected those two things. And, um, and so like, there's already a lot of diversity there. And then really had this love of, of positive psychology that was stirring in me from my late twenties until I finally went to and, and got the degree at Penn. Um, so I did a, this psychology piece and undercurrent, the undercurrent of all of that has been, I'm the second generation in my family. Um, the last company that my dad, my dad was a serial entrepreneur, and the last company that he started, um, he ended up, um, taking public. So he started when I was getting ready to go to college, and he took it public by the time I was graduating from college. And so there was this element, and then they sold it a year or two later. So there's a couple of wealth events that happened right at the, at a pretty, um, important developmental stage for me where my family started having family meetings. And I had, I had no idea that there was this universe of, of advisors that advise families of wealth, that there were things to talk about, like trusts and, and you know, sort of joint financial assets and how they're held. And, um, and there was this whole vernacular, this, this whole landscape that was not, um, not my landscape. And I felt like I was pretty smart. Like I, you know, I was well educated, I'm curious, and I walked into meeting after meeting and with like a commitment to understand, and I walked out of meeting after meeting with the same lack of clarity, um, that I walked into them with. Right. And I'm sure that any, any family member who might be on this call can probably name an experience of listening to someone talk about eyelets and grats and GSTs and, and feeling like, and looking at the, the whole flow chart of how the estate was structured and not really getting like, what does this mean and how can I, I, I didn't even know how to ask questions about what it meant. And so there's the, so like my, my paths came together in my late twenties when I, I really had this, you know, I had this passion for positive psychology. I had not yet gone back and gotten a master's, but I had gotten, um, several coaching certifications and I, and co uh, the field of, of executive coaching is, is based on the tenets of positive psychology. And I felt like there has got to be a better way. There's gotta be a way where there's, there's gotta be other, um, next gens. At the time we called them next gens, we hadn't yet morphed our language. Um, there's gotta be other next gens who are as committed and, um, to their families and love their families and, and honor what the people before them have created who want to engage in an active way and are just as confused what apparently Siri was listening I about that the world we live in, right? Siri, Siri's listening to you. Siri is listening. Always, always. I know. It's a little unsettling, isn't it? Yeah. Um, so, so I would say that those, like for me, there's this, there's always this undercurrent of my own lived experience and how deeply I care for my family, and I care for the relationships in my family. And I think that, um, I can look to my parents and they, without coaching and education around this, they actually did a lot, really, right. And in that my brothers and I have deep respect and, and affection for each other. We are making all the time and more as my parents get older, we're making difficult decisions together. Um, and we understand how we understand how all the mechanics of everything we need to know works. So, um, yeah. So that it, it is kind of an interesting thing to be, to have both this lived experience and then overlay this strong drive for the professional excellence to, to be able to serve families from a place of innovation, courage, heart, um, and to create deep psychological safety where they too can find their own path to how do we do this well and how do we hold family at the center? That's great. Thank you. Thank you for that. Uh, I appreciate the honesty too. You bring such a unique perspective, and that's how you're able to serve families so well and do the good work that you do. So to me, I'm describing this as my words, it feels like an industry awakening, right? And honestly, what comes to mind is, um, in Hamilton, the song My Shot, this is not a moment, it's a movement, right? Like, it feels like a movement. So I'd love to know, um, how it's changing your thinking and shifting conversations, how you're changing your work with families. Um, and then maybe how, maybe examples of others who have made some kind of significant change or a small change as a result of what, 3.3 0.0. Yeah, it, I, I love it. I, you know, you have Hamilton, I have Whitney Houston's like one moment in time, right? You know, that's somewhere she's, she's like, if I just, you know, for my one moment in time, I feel like there, there's this incredible confluence and that, that, um, Jim and, and Dennis and I have said for, for a long time now, like, this isn't something that is like, was created by us. It wasn't even created by Jim who was, who really was the forerunner with this. But what he did was he was noticing a trend, and he named it, and by naming it, it gives us language to start to think about it. And by thinking about the possibility there and how, what is the invitation, we, we can chart a path forward. And I really think that, um, I think that I agree with you, Mindy. I feel like there is a, an awakening that is happening. Um, and I could probably hypothesize like, why is that happening culturally? Why does this not even feel hard to, to, right? It's like you plant the seed and people are saying, yeah, okay, that makes sense. How do I do it? And, and I feel like part of it is that we are, um, as humans, while we have a natural negativity bias, so the the fear stuff, it feels easy to go connect to that because there is this part of us that is always vigilant, right? It's just part of our survival mechanism. Um, and we also have a hunger to not just survive, right? There's a hunger to, to thrive. There's a, there's a desire to flourish. And, um, and as, as I said a little bit ago, there are, there are other fields that are supporting the research and, um, and sort of being, being sort of ahead of the wave that we can, we can look at what's happening in the field of positive psychology and, and the work that's being done in organizational development that, you know, um, the appreciative inquiry, the approach of looking at od models that are really focused on, on thriving organizations. And I feel like we are not the only ones who are, who are noticing that as a collective humanity, that, that maybe we're, maybe it's our own Maslow's hierarchy time, right? Like, maybe we've moved through some stages and there's a chance to say, yeah, how do we really use the power that each one of us has through the positions that we're in, through the, the social networks, through the, the financial resources we have to, to really create change that is meaningful to us. And so I feel like, um, there, there, there's something that feels really alive when you can say to a family, this, your highest goal isn't just to protect this. Your highest goal is to in, to self-actualize, and to individuate in a way that you can integrate your family story into your life and then do something meaningful with your life. Um, and one of the things, so I, I'll just name two quick things that I think are, I'm starting to see happen where, you know, when I, when I said in in Wealth, um, 1.0, we really, it was really about protecting and growing the wealth at all costs. In Wealth 2.0, there was this broadening sense of the importance of the people that were in the system, but still this strong sense of protectionism. And, and so our estate structures and, you know, the, the way that we handle couples and prenups and all of that kind of stuff was built around that protectionistic model. And again, I think that comes from a good place, but maybe doesn't have the, the unintended consequence is that there is a, an impact on human capital that, that has been, that can be really sign really significant. And I think that now what we're awakening to is this idea that, that you can really put family capital, that you can put human capital at the center, and that the structures we create can, can genuinely support that and still be smart in terms of risk mitigation. Like there are ways to do both. Um, one of the, one of the things that I think is really interesting and, and will be, um, I'll be curious once it's published, what, what others think. 'cause I think that it, um, that there's something really special. Coventry Edwards Pitt, who many people know, um, as having, she's written two really important books, and now she's actually written a third book in her, um, healthy, wealthy and Wise series. And it will be, it'll be published in February. Um, and I had the joy of being a pre-read for it. So I got to see some of the ways that she was challenging, um, or questioning the value of some of our long held, um, commitments to things like prenups and to, um, always keeping families together, having joint assets no matter what. And, and really she was, she's just turning it inside out and saying, well, that's not, those things aren't bad, but what if we put the people in the center? How might we redesign the structures so that they could be, that they could really serve a, a powerful purpose of risk mitigation, um, but make sure that the human capital is preserved and protected. It's a huge shift in thinking, and it's, it's, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work of educating and influencing and using research and data to help credentialize the work. Yep. You know, and as the discussion continues and permeates the industry, you know, let's talk about what's next and kind of where you're going with this in your work and in your, your career. Are there things that we can look forward to, uh, that are gonna be forthcoming around this 3.0 movement? Yeah. Well, I, I think that, um, well, so first of all, Dennis and Gemini do have another article coming out in Trust and Estates, um, early this next year. And I, I, I think it's gonna be a really useful article because it takes what the first article that was published at the beginning of this year really, um, talked about the concept of Wealth 3.0 and, and laid out the philosophy and like, why is this important? And then what we have found, and appropriately so is time and time again, people are coming to us and they're saying, great, okay, what do I do? Like, and, and so this next article is really about the practice of, well, 3.0. And, um, one of the things this article also lays out is, and, and this again, is, uh, my hat's off to Jim Gruman, who, who really sort of saw the model. Um, and there's four key things that we see as important as we think about, and Jeff, you just mentioned professionalizing and credentialing the field, coming up with a common set of ethics, um, coming up with a common core curriculum that despite the fact that we have very diverse fields, right? Like we all come through our own, um, professional doorways, and yet there is this holistic model for, for collaboration and support of families that, that we all need to recognize and be able to work within. And what is that common core that allows us to have some commonality despite our distinct expertise? Um, so there, there's these four things that are all going to be part of Wealth 3.0. And, and I think this is what, um, what everyone can start to be paying more attention to. It'll be exciting as, as collectively we start to make it happen. Um, and one of those is research, and I won't, I, I won't go deeply into that right now, but, but to say the family enterprise world is, is ahead of the family wealth world when it comes to, um, when it comes to research like Family Enterprise has really, um, we have a lot more good data on what works and supports families, um, to be successful through, through with the holding of a, an enterprise, um, family wealth. We, we have treated it like a homogeneous pot, right? When really there's so many different kinds of families who hold so many different kinds of wealth in so many different kinds of ways. And that there's changing demographics in from, you know, a patriarch led household of wealth 1.0 to the kinds of diversity and, and diverse households that we have today. So our research needs to be designed to really capture who we are today and help us understand like, what are the factors that support families to thrive? And to even define what does success look like? It's not just financial. So how do we expand that? Um, so research, common education and training, which Fox is, is ahead of the game on with the work that you guys have been doing. So really starting to come together with, with more structured credentialing education programs, um, that have a strong Wealth 3.0, um, foundation. So, um, hats off to you guys for that. Um, also moving away from the, the way that we've really been sort of a collection of cottage industries supporting families rather than the professional organization that, you know, I mentioned a minute ago has a common set of ethics. So common way of, of agreeing that we will work with families. So there's work there, I think, in the professionalization of our collective fields. And then finally, um, and this is where my heart lies because, um, just like you, Mindy and Jeff, like, I'm a practitioner day to day. And, and so the idea of really having solid practices that we can use, what can we borrow from the fields of organizational development and what can we borrow from the research on human thriving that we can adapt into our work while we're doing our research so that we have, um, we have more effective tools to give to advisors and more effective pathways to support families with. That's great. I'll shift our conversation a little bit. Um, I agree with you. This is your Whitney Houston moment in time because you've been really busy in addition to, well, 3.0, you wrote a book, uh, no Small Feat, and I have it right here. It's called The Myth of the Silver Spoon. Um, so I, okay, it's all marked up pages, right? Um, why just share an overview of the book. What's it about? Who's it written for? Yeah, absolutely. I'm excited to, I know I had this, I had this experience earlier this week. You know, we're, we're wrapping up this year, 2022. And, um, I was, I was in my files for some reason, and I, and I had the proposal that I sent to Wiley in January of this year, and I had this moment of like, I can't believe that the pro I sent the proposal in in January of this year, and I had a contract in February and wrote the book, and then now it's in my hands, and it's like all been in this That's amazing. This one calendar year, which is mind blowing. But, um, the, so the myth of the Silver Spoon is, it's a book that is intended, it's at its core, it's it's Wealth 3.0, right? It's this idea that, um, it's written primarily for the rising generation, um, but it's also written for their parents and for their trusted advisors. So I have specific examples and chapters for all for the trusted advisor and for the parents. Um, because like, you know, no, nobody does this alone. Um, and there's no, the most, well-intentioned rising gen cannot craft this path if they are in a family system that that doesn't support them to actually find their own voice and self-actualize and individuate. Well, so it takes parents and it takes advisors being, um, alert and aware to when the moments are that they can step in and really be a supporter, and when are the moments to step out and really let, um, let the, a rising gen find their own path, right? That is one of the things I think we overdo is like we can over help, um, and actually create more problems. So the, the, the core ideas is really recognizing that, that being born into wealth. There's no doubt every single client I've ever worked with says, I know I won the birth lottery. And when I say, tell me a little bit more about the things that trip you up, they're like, I can't even think about them because nobody wants to hear the problems of a rich kid. I can't even give myself the space to recognize that there might be things that are more complex for me. 'cause look, it, I've been given every, every advantage. And so the idea here isn't, it's not a call for poor little rich kid, because any one of my rising gen would absolutely cringe at that idea. But what it is, is a call for a heartful honest conversation, one about our relationship collectively with money and with wealth, which, um, as I assert in the book, I think is highly unconscious. And we don't do a great job of really creating safe spaces where we can do the psychological work to have a right good, strong relationship with money and with wealth, um, money being the day-to-day thing we work with, and wealth being the aggregation of that. It's really an abstract concept that is even more difficult to find a right relationship with because it is abstract. Um, so, so the idea is, is an invitation into that, that recognition that wealth is a very, very powerful tool, but only when it's in the hands of, of the people who are ready, willing, and able to do something powerful with it. And that because we collectively have, have a lot of clutter around that, um, that, that it often doesn't, it doesn't serve the purpose that it can really serve. And the, and the people who are a part of systems where, where wealth is present are often, um, not self-actualizing. They're, they're, they're, they're quietly not doing everything in their lives that they can and want to do because they can't figure out how to clear the clutter that's in the way. Um, so in the book I talk about, I talk about what I see as four main types of clutter that a lot of rising gen experience. Um, and that's money clutter. So that's like our, and, and when I say clutter, I'm talking like the psychological, um, emotional things that get in the way of our ability to, to just breathe freely and move powerfully into, into a relationship with money, using money, using wealth. Um, so money clutter. Um, there's a lot that I see with identity clutter. And, and Jim, um, Gruman and Dennis again, I, I said they've had a long time, um, collaboration. They have this, uh, a piece that came out, I don't know, it might be 15, 10 or 15 years ago on acquirers and, and inheritors. And it was, it's a seminal piece. Um, if if anybody hasn't read it, go Google it and find it because it is a, it's a beautiful, um, white paper that explores the different kinds of identity that based on how you've either earned or inherited wealth, how you relate to it. And then it, they talk about this idea of over identifying and under identifying with wealth, where over identifying, really wealth is who I am. So if I've been born in this family, it's, it's part of who I am. And if it's part of who you are, then it's hard to find your voice separate from it. And, and on the other side of the continuum are the people who under identify with it. And I think we all probably know rising gen who have moved to the other side of the country just to find a little space from their family name and to be able to see who they are when they don't have everybody around them know who they are. Um, and so what I, I, I talk about this idea of like, how do you find the balancing point where, where you can have your own identity and do the work of, of finding who you are, and then finding the way to integrate wealth and your family story, um, into your life. And then the, the third type of clutter is relationship clutter, which very often, um, you know, it's wealth can be a complicating factor, um, and in relationships and making it more difficult, I hear a lot from rising gen this sense of like, well, I don't know. I, I can't quite tell if he really loves me for me or if he really loves me for the security that I can provide. And it's, and if you don't have a lived experience of that discernment of authentic relationships, it can be very difficult. And wealth is a complic can be a complicated factor. Um, and then finally, the, the last piece of clutter I talk about is contribution clutter, which is really around this idea of work and that this confusion we have that in removing the financial need to work, which a lot of rising gen don't have a need to work or not, maybe don't need to work full-time, that in removing that financial need to work, that we somehow don't still have a human need to work, and that the human need to work is hardwired into us, right? Like contributing is just part of how we are in the cycle of validation in our lives. That it's how we get information that we matter, that showing up each day that our unique gifts and skills are seen. And so, um, so that really is the, the, the importance of, of recognizing that the financial need to work is actually on the side of the human need to work. Um, and then the, the, the book, so that the book finishes by helping, um, give it the reader a roadmap to how do you clean that clutter, and then, and then what are the, the character traits and skills that are most important to build, um, so that you, that you can find a path of thriving in success. And, and those, um, that's all based on my research when I was at Penn and, and finishing my master's program, um, I interviewed exemplar rising gen. So all of that that work on the character traits and skills is based on that research. Um, and then there's an invitation for those who feel awake and clutter free enough to, to think about it, to what it, what does it look like to use social networks and financial capital to either create, um, impactful work or to create impactful giving. And, um, so that's, that's the journey and, and it's part, part workbook, part cheerleading book, part like call to action. That's great. Well, that's an excellent place to throw in a question or two, but also kind of an observation from the questions that I'm seeing in, in our experience at Family Business Magazine as well. It is part of the clutter, the very term wealth because a lot of the families we deal with hate to be identified as wealthy, even though they are, um, you, you talked about conspicuous versus sort of under the radar, or, you know, and how do, how do you transfer? Is there a different word or something that families can use? Yeah, it's a great question. You know, if there's a, I'd love to brainstorm if there's a different word. I, I think that, um, you know, one of the reasons that, that I hypothesize that, that the term wealth itself has is problematic is, is because culturally we have a very sort of push pull relationship with wealth and with the wealthy where we have both a sense of, of, um, envy. Like what would it be like to be wealthy like that? And also a sense of disdain, like, well, the root of our problems are based in concentrated, concentrated wealth and the people who, who go and, and seek it. And I feel like the, the truth is like in the middle of all of that, right? But it's, it, it, there, it, it's not like it's all good or it's all bad. And it's really the, the idea that wealth itself is a polarizing idea for us. And that for me, I, you know, I, I feel like it's a tall order, but maybe, maybe there is room for us to actually clear out some of our collective biases for and against wealth so that again, it can become a tool and something that we use more effectively. Mm-Hmm. Okay. Yeah, that's, uh, it's, it's interesting because if you have a positive relationship with wealth, you have to be careful not to be so positive that you come off as, you know, uh, awful to other people. And I think a lot of families sublimate that so that they, you know, we're just like everyone else, right? But not really. So this raises another question, which is, so has damage been done to families with the 2.0 approach to wealth? And if so, can you? How do you transfer? Yeah, I, I do think that, again, I'm, I, I hesitate 'cause I don't think anybody, I mean, I, I was raised in the two point era as an advisor, like that's, you know, that was the drumbeat. I can't tell you how many slides that I have that talk about the 70% failure rate of families, um, how many presentations I've started with that statistic. And, but I think that, I think that we have a collective reckoning around that really, because I do think some damage has been done. I think that we, um, fear is natural, right? Like it is very natural for, for parents to not want to mess up their kids and think that, wow, for many first generation wealth creators, they, they're like, well, I wasn't raised with this, so I don't know, like, I don't know how to do this with my kids. And they worry about overindulging or being too secretive. Um, and in, in all of the, the fear that they have and then having as advisors, having us say, you are right to be scared. You, you might mess 'em up, you probably will mess 'em up. But in fact, most families fail at doing this. I think that we have created a culture, um, in this, in our work where, where families are, um, less willing to be appropriately transparent, um, less willing to be, um, to put family and human capital at the center and be really creative about how do we, uh, structure our, the, the structures so that we can honor the family's, um, core of who they are and what, what individual thriving looks like. And, and instead have gotten very protectionistic. And, um, I really do think that there is room for balance in that, that it's not about, well, the money doesn't matter and, and like it's a free for all, but it, but it's also, it, the money's not the most important thing ever. And we've protected at all costs, despite the fact that family members may be really suffering and those relationships are suffering. I feel like there's a balance in there and that, um, that the invitation is for all of us to think about how do we, how do we flip the script and truly put family relationship humans at the center, and then be more creative about how we use the structures that we have access to and the structures we can create to be smart, um, without being, without stoking fear. That's, that's fantastic. Thank you. One, I'll come back with closing questions in a, in a few minutes, but there was a request, could you repeat the name of that seminal article by Jim Grubman? Was it Yeah. Earned versus Inherited, what it Was. It's called Acquirers and Inheritors, and there's a subtitle that's longer. Um, but it's, if you look up Gruman and Jaffe, um, and look up Aqui Acquirers and inheritors, it, it'll be one of the top Google hits you'll get. It's a good, it's like a solid 12 or 15 page incredible white paper. Terrific. Thank you. I'll be back. They're like, they're like the line and the McCart, uh, McCartney of, uh, of family wealth, right? They a lot of co-authorship there. So much co-authorship. Excellent. Absolutely. You, you know, Kristen, as, as a practitioner, we keep using that word, um, that you and Minnie and I all share with many, many colleagues. Um, I think, um, moving into this wealth 3.0 mindset as influencers and educators and, and colleagues, what's required of us is our own journey, our own journey of wellbeing, and our own willingness to have courage and authenticity about what we're working on. Yeah. And, and how we stay grounded and how we fight off anxiety and other kinds of things so that we can do the work. Yeah. Um, what about yourself? How, how do you, how do you practice your own wellbeing? Yeah. Wow. That's a great question. Especially in this year where I feel like I've been like on a treadmill that's been going too fast all year. Um, I do, I do think, Jeff, that your point is fundamentally important that, um, I think that just like with parenting, we can't, we can't ask our kids to do something. We can't ask them to be emotionally vulnerable if we're not willing to be emotionally vulnerable. We can't ask them to be gritty if we're not gritty, right? Like we can't, we part, a huge part of our job as parents is role modeling and, and being willing to be courageous and push our own boundaries so that we can create the space for our kids to, to see and see the possibility. I think the same is true for us as advisors. I think that, um, we, in order to have the courage to, to invite families into this space that does feel vulnerable, I, I have this lived experience in this last 12 to 18 months of how much they want to lean into it, but they need me to hold the safe space and say, this is okay. We, we can do this. We can have these conversations, we can, we can be honest and real with each other and we can keep it safe. Um, and I think that in order for us to be able to do that, we have to do our own work. We have to do our own money work, we have to do our own identity work. Um, and so for me, a huge part of that is like, it's the basics, right? It's, it's, um, really making sure I'm careful about sleep. I exercise every day. Um, I actually go through and time block in my calendar the year a a quarter in advance. I will time block out the big things that are like, where are my workouts? What's my travel like, so that I can always make sure I'm balancing how I'm showing up and recognizing that that the more I sort of spin myself down the drain, the less capable I am of being creative, of being collaborative, of being, of being courageous. Um, and so I think it is like, for us to do this work and for us to really say it is okay also to set boundaries so that I can tend to my wellbeing. 'cause that's the only way I'm gonna show up strong enough to hold the container for, for the, these families that, that deserve us doing that. Um, yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Can I say one? Oh, so go on. Yeah, No, please. Thank you for sharing that and it's an encouragement to, to all of us. So thank you. One thing, I think you, you're welcome. Thank you for the question. Um, I've actually never been asked that question in a professional setting like this before, so I'm delighted to get to share that. Um, one thing I will say that has surprised me about the book being out now, um, and it speaks to that, to, to your question of like, you know, what do we as advisors need to do is how many people I have heard from who are not rising gen, who are not parents of rising gen, but they are advisors in the space and, um, and they have said, I have some clutter. I need to clear like I am, I'm not just getting value from the chapters written for, for the advisor, but I'm getting value from the, the workbook part of the book where it's really about like understanding and, and creating a healthier relationship with money and a healthier relationship with identity and a healthier relationship with work. And a recognition of like, you know, I, I we're at most of us sitting around this big table, we're sitting around, um, are privileged enough to be choiceful to get to choose that where we focus our, our attention each day. And that to recognize it's a choice and to recognize that, right? That it is a powerful thing to get to, to be choiceful that way. Um, there's some, some work clutter clear that we all have an opportunity clear. So that's been surprising to me and I, and very heartening really. That's great. I think David's got a question he is gonna come back on and, and kind of wrap it up for us. Well, this is, this is I think a, a kind of a big one because if, uh, the question notes that, uh, you know, the fear-based approach may have created a hierarchical relationship between the advisor and the family. Um, what does the alternative look like when you're in 3.0 and it's a more positive type of thing? And then the secondary thing, if we can get it in, in a couple of minutes, is how do you identify consultants who are able to do this? Yeah. Well, I was two great questions. I'll see if I can answer them quickly. Um, one thing I will say is that like, how do we do this? Uh, is like, that's an unfolding question that I, that we're crowdsourcing people's feedback on what are they doing that's working. I will say for myself when I'm starting meet family meetings now, where I used to say, you know, here's, here's the failure rate. This is this, you know, like really sort of get people to pay attention that way. Now I'm saying, you know, our field is just starting to wake up to the importance of research and we are just soon we're gonna, we're gonna know what are the things that families do that, that really support them to thrive. But from my experience, here are the things that they do and it does create less of a hierarchy. But I think families really appreciate the coming alongside and having a guide. I can still be an expert, but I can come alongside and say like, let's, let's do this together. Um, and then David, can you repeat the second question now? Well, I, I think the second question that comes out of that is how do you identify whether your consultant or any consultant can do 3.0 here? Yeah. Well, I think the first red flag is if, um, if they're starting off with anything that, that, that speaks to, um, to something that is about fear, right? Like if they say, you know, every, you know, families follow this pattern of shirt sleeves to shirt sleeves, or 70% of families fail, or, um, you know, there's, there's no right time to tell your kids about the wealth, right? If they, if if you hear any of that, then they, then they probably just haven't yet adopted a broader lens on the work. Um, and I think that the kind of language that you're gonna hear from an advisor that that is at least, um, willing to broaden that lens is you're gonna hear things like, instead of what keeps you up at night, you're going to hear like, what is it that you see that's already really working in your family? What, where are the areas that you see that you have deep strengths in your, in your kids? Um, how can we use those strengths to, to help address some of the areas that are coming up as concerns for you? Hmm. That's the kind of language that, that you'll hear. And, and we'll keep building it together, right? This is a, this is a collective community-wide thing, and it's, it feels so exciting to be at the, the birth of what hopefully will be a very long era in our field. That's terrific. What a, what a phenomenal way to end. Uh, this has been a very rich conversation for those of you who asked, uh, whether there'd be a replay available definitely almost immediately after this. It takes about an hour, but do share this with your families and I might suggest sharing it with your advisors. Uh, thank you Mindy and Jeff and Kristen. This was terrific. So I'm gonna go into a little bit of a close now. So first of all, I'd like to thank all of our attendees, uh, for our webinars. If I wish all of you who celebrate a happy Hanukkah, a merry Christmas and a fantastic New Year. And I hope you'll consider joining us, uh, next year for our virtual and in-person events that will address issues like this. And Fox is a, a big partner of ours and, uh, so we appreciate that. You'll find all of the details of some of these events on our website. And with that, I'd like to say thank you, uh, again, and we'll see you next year.

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